maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
