There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Randomize
