just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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