all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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