u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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