Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize