At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
