I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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