He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
