dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
