She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
