ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
