in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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