Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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