i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
