He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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