You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
