i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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