He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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