The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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