Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
