You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
