So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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