I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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