you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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