thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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