my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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