Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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