i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I deserve this hangover.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
