I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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