I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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