I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
