My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
