those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
