My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
vagina is talking i cant
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
