I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
