I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
