I wish I only lived at night.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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