but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
