Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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