Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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