whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
