i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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