Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
