thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
