I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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