i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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