Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
