YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize