You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
