When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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