just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
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I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
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Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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