Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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