Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
