those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
