are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
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