He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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