I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
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last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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