Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
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