made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We don't watch enough power rangers
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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